As soon as your baby is out of the woods, there are defiance, anger and screaming attacks that you have to deal with. How do you handle that?
The first time your child writhes on the floor and screams incessantly, you probably have a big question mark written on your face. What looks to you like a sheer exaggeration, is for your child mostly an existential problem, an important learning process and, above all, a necessary developmental step.
It is strategically wise to accompany him lovingly and gently. Scolding, screaming and despairing does not help, even if you sometimes feel like it. The best five tips to calm your child and to minimize tantrums, you get here!
The TV goes off and the screaming comes on. This is certainly a scenario that each of us has already observed with his child. That which is overly exaggerated and inappropriate to you is a natural reaction to something your child cannot yet do with an "adult" or rational strategy. After all, it is just getting to know its emotional world and, especially at the age of 2 to 4 years, it processes a lot of anger, frustration, and defiance.
You should not take this personally but as an important step in the healthy development of your child. If you start screaming or scolding yourself, you are maneuvering into a tunnel that nobody can get out of.
The first step in a tantrum is first to leave the child alone. This is probably hard for you, especially at the supermarket checkout. But what has accumulated must first get out.
In the first few seconds of a scream, your child is like in the tunnel and inaccessible to words or gestures. So let pass for a few seconds and stay quiet without commenting. You should also suppress a laugh or a scolding - because then your child feels misunderstood and does not learn to deal with anger.
In the second step, you name the situation that is happening right now. This may seem a bit stiff, but it helps your child, who just does not understand what's happening to him. When the TV is off and your child gets a scream, you can often and constantly repeat: “The TV is off. That's mean! You still wanted to watch TV, right? "
So you put into words what your child bothers and make the tantrum for the child itself tangible. You should say these repetitive sentences with neutral mine and in a calm tone. Like a mantra. In most cases, your child will calm down a bit. Give him time to regain his composure and patiently sit down without touching the child - because that only upsets most children.
In the next step, talk carefully to your child. The quieter you talk, the faster it calms down again. The louder you are, the more the situation gets worse. If you are talking very quietly, your child must automatically calm down to be able to understand you acoustically.
What you can say now is a simple and age-appropriate explanation of what just happened. You can also ask, "Shall I explain it to you?" - Because then you know if your child is ready for an explanation, a compromise and a move on. Stay clear, factual and empathic in your statement: "I just turned off the TV - that got you very excited, right?" - That’s usually enough to calm the child down.
Then you can explain your motives and suggest a compromise: "I turned off the TV because there are now dinners. If you want, you can watch a program tomorrow after kindergarten again. Now I would like to have supper with you. "If your child does not want to compromise, then repeat the reasons for your decision until your child calms down and is ready to compromise.
